Showing posts with label positive thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positive thinking. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The Struggle is Real: The Challenge of Writing after the Writing Challenge

The 30 day challenge is well over now, but I sense its complete purpose in the fact the fire that was lit during that time continues to burn strong. I have actually thus started my own website where I hope to log my published work. At the very least, I can keep an expectation for myself as to what my true purpose is. I continue to work on my novel (which I have since deleted and rewritten). But it will now remain under wraps until ready to see the light. All small steps directed at a seemingly impossible goal of starting a writing career, in this new generation of limited attention spans and information overload. Yet the writer's life still exists and I will continue to chase it.

I do hope to maintain a certain public presence with my writing and have something to share with the digital presence of my kindred spirits. Toward my goal of becoming a more aware and insightful author, I have invested in The Making of a Story: A Norton Guide to Creative Writing.

Progress has been slow, but hopefully will remain steady. I love that this book reads like a self-help, laymen's terms guide but includes exercises to help spark intuitive thinking.  My answers to such exercises I will try to include here. But I still very much recommend the book given what I've read so far!

1: I don't know why I remember...
I don't know why I remember an adventurous afternoon with a friend. This is not a tale about how I first met my lifelong bestie, or the fallout that made me lose faith in others. In fact, we have perhaps one of the most mundane sorts of friendships. Distance and time brought us together on the long bus ride to a magnet school, and by distance and time we were parted when I moved away. But I will always remember her whimsical and fiery spirit, unlike anything I had known or expected. As a quiet and reserved girl, raised in a complete and traditional family, I never broke the rules. I was born and raised with parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all within minutes. Yet here was this unbridled energy, hailing from across the ocean. It seemed she didn't know how to erase a smile from her freckled, Ukrainian face. She had a love that was intense, full of hugs and laughter at every turn. In my family, we hugged our parents for sure, but it was a thing more reserved for hellos and goodbyes, a public display of familial bonds. For her, it seemed to be a life source. No one was exempt.

She once had a hamster. The hamster also seemed to have a zest for life that was simply too much for its tiny body. It escaped from its cage and into a bowl of chocolates. No need to tell the rest of the hamster's tale. She grieved as a child would, but that was not a process to which I was privy. But even some time after the initial loss as we played and laughed at her home, she had the sudden notion to take a trip. I had been taught never to leave the house without supervision, but how could I deny a girl on a mission. I followed as we frolicked out the door, locked up, ran down the street, around a moat-like ditch and jumped the fence into a playground. I was nervous, looking over my shoulder as if my mother should pop out from behind a tree and send me home. I was excited, my breath quick from the sprinting and the cool autumn air. I wondered where we were going and how far. I didn't ask. My words would betray my mother in asking where to, or my own desires by asking to turn back. We ran past the playground, and jumped the opposite fence out. We slowed to a walk, following the length of the man-made ditch that lined the road. This I surely knew my mother would disapprove of, two girls walking near the road to no where.

We jumped a chain fence and crossed into a small cemetery.  My curiosity was truly piqued at this
point. Why on Earth should we come here? I watched her pale figure slow to a purposeful walk and continue on, as if she were a ghost who had lived here all along. Her long blonde hair blew back as she knelt by a bush in the corner of the lot. We were not there for a person it seemed, but a much smaller grave. She had buried her hamster here under a cross made of twigs. She began speaking out loud, her voice nearly mimicking a sad lament and I wondered if that was as much as she was capable of, the fire and joy never more than a breath away. She was loud and theatric, her words for her lost friend overlaid with drama her new one. She ended with a quick, but heartfelt "I'll miss you, Goodbye." After which we frolicked back home just the same way we came.





Friday, June 27, 2014

Live the Life You Like


Ever enjoy a random morning watching reruns of that show you enjoyed all throughout your most developmental years, and find yourself noticing things now that you are watching with a very different perspective?  For me, Gilmore Girls has always been one of those key shows.  I used to watch with my mom, our relationship reminiscent of the closeness and friend-like air that exists in the dynamic between Loralei and Rory.  While I did grow up with both parents, and a younger brother, there was still much that we could relate to. Additionally, neither of my parents went to college the traditional way. My mother has just now completed her Bachelor's (Congrats, Mom!) after years dedicating herself to part-time jobs and Stepford-like duties while my father worked full-time and went to night school.  Once I was old enough, she began working full-time herself, still balancing the cooking, cleaning, and various tasks for the entire family and our pets.
My point is that, as their eldest child and the eldest grandchild on either side, I had quite the set of expectations - or at least hopes - to live up to. My parents, and grandparents, saw in me the American dream at the thought of my going away to college, living on campus and discovering myself with the aid of scholarships. And I saw in myself the image of Rory every time I watched Gilmore Girls. I read for college level creative writing courses during high school, while my mother would read People magazine. I would daydream about my future, high-power career in all its glory while my mom dreamt of the same.

In reality, college came and went as I graduated from one of the best universities in the state with my Bachelor's in English. I followed Rory's similar development on her path to journalism with a passion for literature and writing. However, I did not participate in the university newspaper and was unable to land that idealized publishing career. I found odd jobs after returning home and realized I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I discovered linguistics and lucked into an assistantship at the local university, spending the subsequent two years finishing my Master's. Still - no luck. No full time work but only a brief stint working for near minimum wage (yes, with a Master's) at Barnes and Noble, and picking up hours here and there teaching ESL courses. I decided the market is competitive and set out to do whatever it took for a 9-5 job and enrolled in a second Bachelor's for Computer Science. This did help, and I found a job willing to train me in SEO. Great office, great people, great opportunity, great pay.

Odd thing - my first week on the job my side job (perfectly suited to my background in English and Language studies) offers me a significant jump in hours. What was a once a month consulting phone call turned into weekly contracted hours, freelance style. What do I do?? Steady, stable, good pay at a trusted company as most dream of - the same that has been planned and plotted for me since birth behind door one. Unsteady, unreliable opportunity for linguistics work, that I can do from the comfort of home, for a higher rate per hour, with an even more well-known company behind door number two. Classic follow your heart or your wallet situation.

This year has been a whirlwind to say the least. I feel that I have been on a merry-go-round between finishing my Master's, getting married, traveling to Europe, balancing 3-4 part time jobs at once, switching back to two jobs and a Bachelor's in Computer Science, withdrawing in favor of the idolized 9-5 office career, and then leaving it all behind to freelance from home in developing materials for language education. So much for falling into the plan. But then, this morning I found myself watching reruns yet again of my beloved Gilmore Girls.

I watched with new eyes as Rory couldn't keep up with the curriculum her grandfather had taken at Yale. She was deterred from school by a runaway romance with a smooth-talking young man. She got mixed up in complete misunderstandings resulting in court ordered community service and suspension from college. She managed to find her way back into Journalism but distressed at the idea that her contacts got her the job and not her merit. She wavered back and forth constantly on what to do with her life.  And I realized, now more than ever, I am still Rory.  Nothing is perfect. There is no perfect. There is life. Life happens. And a great family will love you no matter what path you chose as long as you are happy and healthy. You can like the life you're living, or you can live the life you like. And I am living the life I like.
Mom and I in my college apartment

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Home and Hearth

With the spirit of spring cleaning in mind, I thought I might share about today's witchy activity based on Llewelyn's Witches' Spell-A-Day Almanac.  The entry for today was about clearing out negativity.  Not to mention my dogs have left wonderful gifts of floating hair tumbleweeds around the house.

I don't know how it all works, but I do acknowledge that we feel the effect of positive or negative energies daily.  Some days you just feel in a funk, weighed down, or groggy. I've found correlations of this with the moods of the other people in my house, or the weather.  Simultaneously a very cheery friend can instantly lift your spirits.

Whatever the scientific explanation, I do believe in the power of these energies on a psychological level and how, by extension, a spiritual cleansing of the home can trigger a change in mentality.  The very fact that you are acknowledging and addressing the issue of energy in your home will allow you to focus attention on your own energy and how you feel in your home.  The attention-directing nature of these cleansing rituals can thus be successful and leave your home feeling open, happy, and safe by altering your own perception of your home.



I first went over the floors with my very modern broom (AKA vacuum) and then set up a candle as per the Almanac.  While it asked for a grey taper candle, it is always alright to use what is available here (for me, a white tealight).  This is about your connecting and believing in the process to effect perceptual change, and in turn, manifesting better feelings.  I did, however have the purifying herbs to surround the candle with - rosemary, bay leaves, and parsley. I feel lighter already!





Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Time Out? Yes, Please!

With all the craziness that is February, I realized that I may have fallen into old habits.  Over stretching myself.  Certainly at the time, taking on a continued schedule at the spice and tea store (which I usually only work on school breaks) seemed plausible.  I have one less graduate class this semester, as it is my last semester.  But - somehow I forgot that wedding planning, PhD applications, job applications, and exams amount to a little more than the work that I would have saved by that one class.  Hm.

I was working with a fellow employee last Friday at the store and realized - wow I have so much to do the rest of the weekend because I can't do that work today (Friday). I really should not have tried to fit in a side job when I already am a full time student and working as a teaching assistant. Unfortunately that is my doom. I fear boredom.  I hate down time and I hate sitting around not knowing what to do, then I put SO much in my week that I can't possibly have free time.  However, you start to realize how that may actually hurt things when your fiance brings home a movie from RedBox and you are not even sure if you should take a break to watch it with him.


For this post, I will keep it short.  It's a moment for me to stop and reflect before I delve into the world of studying for midterms.  I want to remind everyone that you don't have to be wonderwoman or superman all the time to be a success. Overworking yourself can make you focus too much on all that you did not finish yet, and blind you to the fact that you've done more than most people do in the same time and that's amazing.  Because all that work can't really be worth it if you don't have 5 minutes to realize, "hey, you are doing a great job."

So maybe someone out there can take these words as inspiration, and I'll try to do the same (as difficult as it is sometimes!) - Put down the projects, take a sick day from work, quit that side job you really didn't need. Just sleep or sip tea or read a book (for fun!).  Go to dinner with a friend or boyfriend. Time will go by so fast and you will wonder what happened to this year and the time you meant to take a vacation or visit a friend.  These moments are no less important than making an extra buck. In fact, they are probably more important.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

New Year New Beginnings

Well here comes the mandatory new year blog post!  I'll try not to get into notions about positive thinking and starting fresh. That's a given and naturally each new year gives us a special time to refocus ourselves and reinstate old goals as well as develop any new ones.

Of course, I am very excited for graduation and marriage, all to come in the first half of this year.  So most of my time and energy will have to be aimed at keeping focused and not letting distractions get in the way.

Resolution #1: Maximize time efficiency to get all school work and wedding projects done and done well.

Spiritually I am finishing up my year and a day Wicca course at the Unitarian church.  Granted I think I've decided I'm more in the way of traditional witchcraft rather than Wicca, but that's the sort of thing I may not have figured out without attending this class.  Not to mention all the other great things I've learned. This class is truly designed to help us find our own way and lend tools that anyone can utilize and alter to fit our personal style. As it should be.

Resolution #2: Continue to learn, study, and grow spiritually in whatever way life leads me. In particular - use my new "Spell-a-Day" Almanac by Llewellyn to help me use magick on a regular basis and start internalizing some of the great information I have been learning.

Of course, there is also the need to hop on that job train that I will have to carve out more time for.  I have a fast approaching deadline to start rounding up some interviews toward finding something to do with my life post-wedding.  I can't wait to see what the world has in store for me (although it is most definitely scare to not know!).

Resolution #3: Try to use some of my spare time to actually apply to jobs, use the career center at school, and keep on top of networking opportunities to find a career. Never lose hope and never stop trying!

I have a few other goals that probably reflect those of many who read this.  Some people look at me and think I must eat healthy and work out and all that jazz.  I am a young adult and blessed with a good metabolism (for the moment).  But any day now, given my genetic predecessors, it will slow down and I'm going to have to do something about it.  So my final new year's resolution is to not only start exercising  but continue doing so.  I have started many times before, but my drive tends to fizzle out after two or three weeks. I need to buckle down and make exercise a routine. I think I have done well eating healthier lately, but I can always keep improving.  I did buy a cookbook today with a lot of delicious, fresh looking meals called "ten dollar dinners" that I am excited to work with.  Two birds with one stone on better eating and saving money! I'll try to take pictures when I get around to making those recipes.

Resolution #4: Exercise and cook great, healthy meals at home :)

So those are my resolutions.  As will any goal, I tried to keep them realistic. I also will try to keep in a positive mindset and realize that I may have hard times and hiccups in juggling all of these and that is ok.  Life goes on and so will I.  As long as I'm trying to stay on track and keep focused on these goals, I will be moving in a good direction.

Good luck to all of you in your resolutions, and don't give up! May the sun rise each day bringing brightest hopes and blessings for everyone.
Happy 2013!