Live the Life You Like

Ever enjoy a random morning watching reruns of that show you enjoyed all throughout your most developmental years, and find yourself noticing things now that you are watching with a very different perspective?  For me, Gilmore Girls has always been one of those key shows.  I used to watch with my mom, our relationship reminiscent of the closeness and friend-like air that exists in the dynamic between Loralei and Rory.  While I did grow up with both parents, and a younger brother, there was still much that we could relate to. Additionally, neither of my parents went to college the traditional way. My mother has just now completed her Bachelor's (Congrats, Mom!) after years dedicating herself to part-time jobs and Stepford-like duties while my father worked full-time and went to night school.  Once I was old enough, she began working full-time herself, still balancing the cooking, cleaning, and various tasks for the entire family and our pets.
My point is that, as their eldest child and the eldest grandchild on either side, I had quite the set of expectations - or at least hopes - to live up to. My parents, and grandparents, saw in me the American dream at the thought of my going away to college, living on campus and discovering myself with the aid of scholarships. And I saw in myself the image of Rory every time I watched Gilmore Girls. I read for college level creative writing courses during high school, while my mother would read People magazine. I would daydream about my future, high-power career in all its glory while my mom dreamt of the same.

In reality, college came and went as I graduated from one of the best universities in the state with my Bachelor's in English. I followed Rory's similar development on her path to journalism with a passion for literature and writing. However, I did not participate in the university newspaper and was unable to land that idealized publishing career. I found odd jobs after returning home and realized I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I discovered linguistics and lucked into an assistantship at the local university, spending the subsequent two years finishing my Master's. Still - no luck. No full time work but only a brief stint working for near minimum wage (yes, with a Master's) at Barnes and Noble, and picking up hours here and there teaching ESL courses. I decided the market is competitive and set out to do whatever it took for a 9-5 job and enrolled in a second Bachelor's for Computer Science. This did help, and I found a job willing to train me in SEO. Great office, great people, great opportunity, great pay.

Odd thing - my first week on the job my side job (perfectly suited to my background in English and Language studies) offers me a significant jump in hours. What was a once a month consulting phone call turned into weekly contracted hours, freelance style. What do I do?? Steady, stable, good pay at a trusted company as most dream of - the same that has been planned and plotted for me since birth behind door one. Unsteady, unreliable opportunity for linguistics work, that I can do from the comfort of home, for a higher rate per hour, with an even more well-known company behind door number two. Classic follow your heart or your wallet situation.

This year has been a whirlwind to say the least. I feel that I have been on a merry-go-round between finishing my Master's, getting married, traveling to Europe, balancing 3-4 part time jobs at once, switching back to two jobs and a Bachelor's in Computer Science, withdrawing in favor of the idolized 9-5 office career, and then leaving it all behind to freelance from home in developing materials for language education. So much for falling into the plan. But then, this morning I found myself watching reruns yet again of my beloved Gilmore Girls.

I watched with new eyes as Rory couldn't keep up with the curriculum her grandfather had taken at Yale. She was deterred from school by a runaway romance with a smooth-talking young man. She got mixed up in complete misunderstandings resulting in court ordered community service and suspension from college. She managed to find her way back into Journalism but distressed at the idea that her contacts got her the job and not her merit. She wavered back and forth constantly on what to do with her life.  And I realized, now more than ever, I am still Rory.  Nothing is perfect. There is no perfect. There is life. Life happens. And a great family will love you no matter what path you chose as long as you are happy and healthy. You can like the life you're living, or you can live the life you like. And I am living the life I like.

Mom and I in my college apartment

Catching the Flame

January has ended and with its passing, so too is the winter coming to an end.  It is hard to believe it is already February and the new year is slowly loosing its novelty.  Although all these application deadlines, comprehensive exam study session, and reading lists do bring a certain level of excitement on a career level, I do regret my lack of spiritual or physical work lately.

Imbolc Altar

At times like these, it is good to have always a reminder of this trinity.  The triquetra means many things to many people.  Wiccans often use it to mean the triple goddess. Although I acknowledge the triple goddess concept, I don't usually like to work so specifically.  I simply defer to the trinity as a way to reiterate the need to balance mind, body, and spirit.  It's all about balance.

Sometimes it is about accepting when the balance has shifted. Maybe that other aspect of your life needed the extra focus at the moment.  But acknowledge it and know that the balance will have to be restored.  The simultaneous situation of deadlines on the academic side is, of course, out of my control.  It is my final semester and I expected things to get hectic.  Add in wedding planning and it's a recipe for stress.  I almost thought about canceling on my monthly Wicca class but I am glad I did not.  The class gave me a great night to focus on magickal things and meet up with some great minds.

At home, I also [finally] received my lightcatcher from Sacred Mists!  I was awarded one for second place in a Samhain altar contest.  Unfortunately over the winter holiday it seems they had repeated mail issues trying to send it to me. But I got it at last and hung it on a statue near my living room window.  Perfect timing. I could really use something to help bring all the light that has begun shining in my life into one place and transform it into organized, geometric sparkles.

Brownie point for my 'body' aspect of the trinity, I did find a fantastic yoga studio. Yes, there are free classes at school. But they're often late at night (not likely for me to drive to campus so late) or mid day only 2 days a week (hard to catch between my classes).  Having a studio on the back burner is great when you know you need to get a class, but are trying to work outside the school's schedule. I can only make it once a week for now, to save money. But it still feels very good to walk straight into a small yoga class in a room that is clearly set up and decorated in a way conducive to meditation.  Beautiful himalayan salt lamps lining the walls and fascinating lotus mandala on the roof are hard to pass up.  I missed class today because of work (I am still keeping one shift a week at a tea and spice store - not sure why at this point) but I look forward to going again. Even this smallest bit, a weekly yoga class, is a step in the right direction for my physical and spiritual well being.

Hopefully Brigid, goddess of home and hearth associated with fire, will help bring focus and light into my life and I can keep a calm and steady grasp on all that's going on.  After all, having too much going on is better than having nothing.  I certainly accept that I am blessed and lucky to have so much coming into my world, but I will have to work on balancing it all at once so that I am actually able to reap the benefits that are hiding behind the stress!

Happy Veteran's Day!

The weather is nice and the sun is high on this wonderful Sunday.  Time goes by so quickly and just as the summer has come and gone, fall is rapidly passing by.  I have three more weeks of the school semester until I am two classes and three days of intense exams away from completing my degree.

Usually this time in the school session I am in panic mode and lock myself away to finish whatever reports and papers I left off for the end but I am oddly at ease this time around. Maybe it's senioritis, or maybe I genuinely have less on my plate this semester. Either way, I have a high spirit and sense of drive and accomplishment about me.
Quite fitting then, I decided to draw a tarot card for the day and Hazaa!  the Ace of Wands - a card about hope, passion, and drive for accomplishing goals and welcoming new endeavors.  Reflective of this card, my attention has indeed been turned from mucking my way through books to developing plans and hopes for the future. I spend my days wondering what post-grad/married life will bring.  Unfortunately, there is still some time to go and tasks to complete before I will find out and hopefully my trip to Barnes and Nobles for this nifty new planner will keep me focused on the here and now. (I adore planners...the joy of writing things down and crossing them off when done is beyond anything. Don't you agree?) Or it may distract me just enough from class to keep me there by numbering days until winter, my anniversary, my wedding, exams, graduation....and anything else I can think of!